- My son is 15 and we’ve a really open communication.
- This starkly contrasts my relationship with my mother on the similar age he’s now.
- He sends me TikToks, and we watch them collectively, which helps us keep related.
My son is 15 and our traces of communication are huge open — a stark distinction from my relationship with my mother at his age. One of many causes we keep related is social media.
As a GenXer, staying present with expertise has at all times been vital. I used to be round for Pong, AOL Instantaneous Messenger, and Netscape, and now I purchase espresso by an app and pay for haircuts with Venmo.
Maintaining with traits and lingo is a part of my work. So I spend time every day on my previous girl platform (Fb) but additionally on Reddit, Instagram, and TikTok.
TikTok and Instagram have allowed me to proceed speaking with my child even when the sound of my voice is annoying.
We watch movies collectively
I have shared custody, so I see him each different week. A yr in the past, he began sending me TikToks and Reels from his dad’s, with the admonishment that I might not watch them till we had been collectively the next week. That is now a ritual. One of many first issues we do when he arrives is watch all the things he despatched.
This could be a time suck. There will be tons of of movies to observe. However I do know it is vital to discover this time to attach. He generally sends movies from faculty or at evening after I’ve gone to mattress so we’ve every day content material to observe. He’ll hop on the mattress subsequent to me earlier than I fall asleep so we will watch them collectively and focus on. Principally, we snigger so much.
He is not into snuggles anymore
This treasured time is just about all of the bodily connection we’ve left. Gone is the little boy who cherished to be carried for hikes, toddled subsequent to me by farmer’s markets, and sat on my lap whereas we watched films at house. This tall, gangly child is not into snuggles. However I imagine bodily contact continues to be an vital a part of our bond. For him, it is OK to take a seat subsequent to me together with his leg touching mine if we’re sharing these laughs.
It is greater than laughs, although. Whereas many movies are gross or foolish teenage boy humor, others are thought-provoking, sparking deep dialogue and spirited debate.
Politics, faith, science, life selections, and risk-taking are simply a number of the discussions social content material has sparked. He questions issues at a extra superior degree than I ever might have at his age.
We’re studying issues
Lately, we had an hourlong debate about chores primarily based on a TikTok I despatched that quoted a Harvard examine that concludes that youngsters who do chores are in the end extra profitable. I give him chores, however his dad would not. His buddies who do chores receives a commission for them by way of an allowance. No one pays adults to do chores, so I do not pay him as a result of, in my opinion, we must always all contribute to the maintenance of our house for mutual good.
He offered his viewpoints, and I argued each, discussing grownup duties and the significance of a spot that is saved good, even when it is only for you. When it was over, he stated, “About midway by, I spotted I used to be improper, however I felt like I needed to preserve arguing.” We talked about that, too — tips on how to gracefully concede.
I additionally use it to indicate him what’s developing — I’ve at all times ready him for what’s subsequent. I ship him humorous movies of fogeys educating their children to drive, and he sends them again to me. On the finish of the summer time, I despatched movies of faculty college students on their first evening within the dorm after being dropped off by their mother and father. Some had been humorous; some had been undoubtedly poignant. He additionally sends them again to me — like a child not figuring out tips on how to reply questions on the on-campus medical clinic, with the message, “Me after I get to varsity.”
None of this connection can be occurring if we did not talk by these movies.
My hope is that we will proceed to remain related this manner. I do not need him to roll his eyes when he sees me calling; I wish to be the mother with whom he can nonetheless freely share his questions, challenges, and, most particularly, what made him snigger as we speak.
